Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Another night of CSI...

Thank goodness for SPIKE TV eh?

I used to whine because we didn't have cable. Funny there's cable at the new digs and I find myself either reading or watching CSI or Law & Order reruns.

I'll confess it's just to have some noise. Without Ashley driving me nuts it's way too quiet. And I'm not really feeling social lately. I'm really new to this roommate, not living with my family thing. What I can't get over is why I feel guilty for doing the right thing.

Spouse wanted out, I wasn't happy, kids are 18 and over, we're still young (okay sort of young). I'm the who moved out, but I feel rotten about it. Not so much the being alone, I'm good at being by myself. It's the lack of being connected to the kids, the house, the yard, the idea of HOME.

I won't even get into the other aspects of being on my own that are stressing me out.

I think the limbo of waiting is really getting to me. Mid June till the divorce goes to the Judge. I have no idea how long it takes after that. I just know that I feel like I can't start anything or move forward with loose ends.

Someone asked me if I was looking for a boyfriend. I almost wrecked my car! Are they insane?

Well if they are, then I am too, because I have to admit that I miss being part of a couple in a bad way. It's not about sex (okay it's a little about sex. I'm 40, not dead). But I miss the simple stuff, I wish I had a buddy. I'm not sure I could handle that friends with benefits thing. (It'd be interesting to find out just once if I could be that casual about a relationship.) Just how do you stay friendly, and just how do you have relations without strings being attached? (shake off those bondage fantasies ya'll, I was speaking figuratively!

the cool part of being a roommate in a house full of people is that there's always some drama that I don't have to actually deal with going on. Would it be rude to pop popcorn and sit back and watch?

I'll get into those later...


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