changes..

No song lyrics (so far!)

This has been a year for change, so they say. I've decide to embrace it!
Not necessarily, the new administration, but the concept.

I started with my attitude. I realized that the place I was in, single/divorced, alone...was something I'd actually wanted for a while, but had been to scared of, to go for. Sadly, there was someone else involved in the equation, and he got hurt when things went past their time. We both did.

With a good friends encouragement (read that as PUSHY NATURE) I have gone after and acquired a new job. All my friends and family are being wonderful in their support. I'm terrified to make this step, but I know they are right behind me and won't let me fall.

So with all this change, I decided there were other bad habits I needed to let go of. Soda went at New Year. TV (minus True Blood!!! and snippets with the rest of the house) is gone. I have picked up books again. I missed reading.

I've let go of some other attachments that weren't getting me anywhere.

I've found new music to get excited about and broadened my horizons that way too.

I feel good.

This second half of the year is gonna rock! I won't give it any other option.

Reading: 1.This Is Your Brain on Music: The Science of a Human Obsession (Paperback) by: Daniel J. Levitin
2. Dead as A Doornail by Charlaine Harris
3. Deadly Night by Heather Graham

Listening to: Keep Coming Back by Marc Broussard
Salvation in Lights : Mike Farris
Leap of Faith: Seth Walker

Last movies watched:

Taking Chance (kevin bacon)
A Haunting in Connecticut (spooky)
Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince (can't wait for the next one!!!)

Mel

I wanna be more like Mae West...

I looked up a different quote today and found this:
* "Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly." -- Mae West

Can't you just see the grin that goes with that phrase?

There were 5 more quotes on the page.

* "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
* "Good sex is like good Bridge: if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
* "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. "
* "Sex is emotion in motion."
* "The curve is more powerful than the sword."

I would love to be witty and cheeky all the time. Before you snort and correct me. I can be very witty and very cheeky at times. But usually I work at it. I hide the serious, sometimes too serious. gal behind that.

And come on... to deliver lines like those, with just the right twinkle in your eye, would Rock! Not everyone could pull them off. I will strive to be that girl...

It might not keep me out of jail, but it will keep me from being bored, and God Forbid...boring!

Sigh....

Yeah I do that a lot lately.

I'm tired. I'm tired inside and even a good night's sleep didn't help.

I thought it might.

I have looked forward to coming to the Tater Jam. (It's a Delbert thing..and it's a grand party!) I have looked forward to going this year since checking out of the hotel from last year's party. There are friends that we only get to see at the Jam.
People come from California and Texas and New York. It all focuses down on the little town of Kinston, NC.

In a year full of rotten things, I was looking for a little fun.

So far, it's not happening.

Two (four if you count spouses) of the people I really wanted to share this year with aren't here.

Am I going to put on the happy face and have a great time? On the outside I will. On the outside I always do. I'm kinda tired of being "happy" only on the outside. Is it my fault? Probably. I've gotten so good at faking it, I'm not sure I know how not to. I don't even think I know what it feels like. And why should anyone try to fix it, I don't let them know there's a problem. I have learned to camouflage the me that lives in my head and my heart. I spent so many years hiding that me so that she couldn't be hurt, that she has becomes this scared little mouse, and won't come out to play.

I'm tired of pretending to be this happy person that everyone likes to be around. It takes a lot to be funny, and act like nothing gets to you. Especially when you don't want to laugh, and everything does get to you. I'm tired of being jealous of people who have someone special.

I know I'll never find someone until I fix me, though. I have no right to even look. Not right now. But it does make it hard to even want to fix anything, when it feels like you could disappear and no one would notice. I don't think I would notice.

The only joy I seem to have these days is when a certain angel faced 10 month old smiles at me. To her I exist, and when it feels like I don't in any other way, she snuggles up to me and I feel a little better.

I feel really bad for being the person that I am right now. I need to change a lot of things. But it's scary. I have never had to make decisions for myself. I did a great job of hiding and letting someone else make the decisions. I just feel like I'm standing in place and spinning around in circles and I don't do well on rides.

The time has come though. I've had this year to be down and all the bad stuff has got to be behind me. It has to be, because The Nothing (yeah I love The Never Ending Story) is winning. And the new year is coming. Maybe my new year's day, is today?!

Why not?!

M

Thoughts from the Universe

Not sure if anyone else has heard of this. (Tricia has, because I forward her mine all the time. I feel stalked sometimes, because the emails are so clued into how I feel at the time)



The site sends out personalized, uplifting thoughts for the day. They really are nice sometimes.

Here is today's

Of course not everyone understands you, Melissa.

It takes crazy to know crazy.

It takes sexy to know sexy.

And most assuredly, it takes cool to know cool.

Yeah, un-hun, alright -
The Universe

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®
© www.tut.com ®

It also takes great to know great, Melissa.


So I'm Crazy Sexy Cool? NICE!

I can live with it. I'm just hoping I can live up to it. But with that in mind, I think it's gonna be a great weekend!!!!





Mel

The Post Concert Blues

I really think there's a country song in this.

(Although I still have to pitch the idea for a song about getting to and from a show fueled up on Red Bull and Gummi Bears. Yes it works.)

Even if you don't get super hyped before the show, the actual show is more than enough to shoot your adrenaline levels off the chart. So then you get home on the fumes. The next day you get to share stories. You can still feel the thrum of the bassline in your bones, and there's that odd hearing dysfunction in at least one ear.

You have that ghost of a hand-stamp that you only half tried to scrub off.

The next day, you still have a little bit of a "buzz". You're probably still humming that one song that really caught your ear, in those distracted moments. (I hum alot, I must be perpetually distracted.) (This week's hum-a-long is I'm With You)

The next couple of days are miserable. You're grumpy. It's like a drug, and you need a fix, and you know you can't have one for a long time.

But the REALLy awesome thing (okay awesome to me, Tricia is about to throw something at my head) I dont' even get to complete the cycle because I'm heading down to NC in 5 days to do it all over again. That reminds me I need to do laundry and pack.) Because I work my tail off between now and Friday, but it'll be worth it.

The trip to DC for the show on Friday was quite the treat for Halloween. From last Sunday, to include up until today, I worked 79 hours (yep in 7 days) I actually gave away 2 seven hour shifts. So it could have been worse.

And somehow I managed to watch 3 movies. Two oldies, CHANCES ARE, and HEART & SOULS (yeah I'm still in the Robert Downey fetish phase.) And GET SMART, with Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway. Hilarious, but you have to been a fan of the TV show I think to get it. Alan Arkin was great in it too.

Book: I'm trying hard to finish Rogue Hunter by Lyndsay Sands. I've got at least a dozen or two books in the waiting patiently to be read file. I'm slacking.

Music: Still lovin' Buddy Guy: Skin Deep
Marc Broussard: Keep Comin' Back
Richard Marx put out two via his website
and I'll admit here and now that I love the way he writes a song, and more often than not the way he sings it. Flame in Your Fire...wow. It wasn't the best new song I heard this week, that award goes to RMc and the new one he tossed at us Friday night. Sigh...

Okay.. off to do that last 6 hours of 79 for the week.

Laters,

Mel

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room. I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."


She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.


She's such a bitch.....



Okay it's a silly email joke, but you laughed.

Mission accomplished.

Of course, I know my girls would never throw out the wine. Steal it, drink the last glass, hand me the bottle to uncork another, perhaps. Toss it? Not on your life!!

Cheers!!